In today’s digital world, kids are online earlier and more often than ever before. A recent report from Common Sense Media found that by age 4, more than half of children have their own tablet, and nearly one in four have their own phone by age 8.
Experts advise that just as parenting strategies shift to match a child’s age and maturity, approaches to online safety should also evolve accordingly.
It is essential for parents and caregivers to tailor guidance with a child’s cognitive and emotional development, helping them form healthy, responsible digital habits that can last a lifetime.
To protect children, especially in online environments, it is important to understand how they think, grow, and relate to the world around them. Erik Erikson, a psychoanalyst and developmental theorist, introduced his stages of psychosocial development in the 1950s to show how identity and social relationships take shape through key life stages.
The research of many theorists, including Erikson’s and others, continues to guide parents, educators, and caregivers. By applying these insights, adults can meet kids where they are developmentally, have more meaningful conversations about online safety, and equip them to make safer choices.
Navigating Online Safety During Stages of Childhood Development
A child’s earliest years of life are critical periods for building trust, autonomy, and a sense of initiative, according to Erickson’s theory. Each stage is characterized by a specific psychosocial conflict that needs to be resolved for the child’s healthy development.
- Early Childhood – Trust vs. Mistrust and Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt.
- Middle Childhood – Initiative vs. Guilt and Industry vs. Inferiority
- Later Childhood – Industry vs. Inferiority
- Adolescence – Identity vs. Role Confusion and Intimacy vs. Isolation
These stages lay the emotional groundwork for how children interact with the world, including the digital one. Infancy to toddlerhood is a critical time when caregivers are teaching their infants they can rely on and trust them to get their needs met.
This is essential in later years when children, although more independent, still need the support of parents and caregivers to resolve conflict, especially if exposed to online threats. If they cannot trust their caregivers due to an insecure attachment, they may suffer alone, which can lead to children not opening up about dangerous situations they may be facing online.
With the right guidance, boundaries, and modeling from caregivers, young children can begin forming safe digital behaviors in a way that supports their growing confidence and curiosity.
Early Childhood
Stage 1: Trust vs. Mistrust (Infancy, birth to 18 months)
Stage 2: Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt (Toddlerhood, 18 months to 3 years)
In the first three years of life, children are asking two big questions: Can I trust the world around me? and Can I begin to do things on my own? The way caregivers introduce boundaries, especially around technology, can either support or disrupt their development in these areas.
What can you do?
- Supervise Device Use:
Keep devices your child uses in a public space where you can observe what they’re doing and where you are present. This builds the foundational sense of trust: someone is always there to meet their needs. That same presence helps them feel safe taking small steps toward independence as they explore.
- Limit Access:
Delay or limit internet use. When children are exposed to too much too soon, it can overwhelm them, leading to confusion or feelings of failure. But when access grows with their abilities, they build autonomy without the weight of shame or doubt.
- Choose Age-Appropriate Content:
Ensure any online content is safe and age-appropriate, such as educational apps or age-appropriate video games. This sends a powerful message: I understand what you need, and I’ll protect your space to grow.
- Lead by Example:
Model safe online behavior and encourage open communication about online activities. Show your child that the digital world is something they can explore, but not alone.
Middle Childhood
Stage 3: Initiative vs. Guilt (Preschool, ages 3–5)
As children grow from preschool, they begin exploring the world with more independence and curiosity, followed by a desire to build real skills and feel capable. The way caregivers introduce and manage technology during these years can either support that growth or create confusion, guilt, or insecurity.
What can you do?
- Set Clear Rules and Expectations:
Establish clear guidelines about what is allowed and not allowed online, including appropriate websites and apps. This helps children understand boundaries and feel secure while exploring.
- Parental Controls:
Use parental control software to filter content and set time limits. These tools help protect children and teach them healthy screen habits.
- Open Communication:
Talk regularly about privacy and what’s safe to share online. Encourage questions that help kids feel comfortable coming to you with concerns.
- Online Safety Education:
Start teaching children about online safety, such as not sharing personal information or meeting strangers online. This equips them with the knowledge they need to navigate risks.
Later Childhood
Stage 4: Industry vs. Inferiority (Middle Childhood, ages 6–11)
In later childhood, children begin to develop a sense of competence and pride in their abilities. They become more independent, forming deeper social connections, and starting to explore their identities. At this stage, children are eager to take on new responsibilities, including digital ones, but still need clear structure and support. As their online activity increases, it’s important to maintain open communication and provide age-appropriate education about online safety.
What can you do?
- Continue Supervision:
Continue to monitor online activities, even as children gain independence. Watch which sites they visit and who they communicate with to protect them while letting them explore safely.
- Keep an Open Dialogue:
Encourage children to talk about their online experiences and who they are communicating with. Ask about their activities, contacts, and feelings so they feel comfortable seeking help when needed.
- Teach Privacy and Security:
Teach children to use privacy settings, create strong passwords, and keep personal information safe. These tools empower them to take control of their online safety.
- Explain Digital Citizenship:
Help them understand the impact of their online actions and how to be responsible digital citizens. Teach them to communicate respectfully and act responsibly to become positive digital citizens.
Adolescence
Stage 5: Identity vs. Role Confusion (Adolescence, ages 12–18)
Stage 6: Intimacy vs. Isolation (Young Adulthood, ages 18–25)
Adolescence is a pivotal time, marked by the quest for identity. Teens are exploring who they are, where they belong, and what they believe, both offline and online. As digital natives, much of this self-discovery unfolds through social media, messaging apps, and online communities. While these platforms offer connection and expression, they also come with increased risks like cyberbullying, privacy concerns, and exposure to harmful content, including predators and sexual exploitation. Supporting adolescents through this stage means fostering trust, encouraging open dialogue, and empowering them with the tools to make informed digital choices. By treating teens as partners in their own safety and guiding them with respect and consistency, parents can help them build a strong, secure sense of self in both the real and virtual world.
What can you do?
- Establish Trust and Open Communication:
Continue open communication and foster a trusting relationship to encourage your child to seek help if needed.
- Supply Education and Empowerment:
Educate them about online safety risks, cyberbullying, and how to protect themselves online.
- Foster Responsible Social Media Use:
Help them understand the importance of privacy settings, appropriate sharing, and the potential risks associated with social media.
- Encourage Digital Well-being:
Encourage healthy digital habits, including taking breaks from screens and limiting screen time, especially before bed.
General Tips for All Stages:
- Supervise and Monitor:
Regularly check devices and online accounts, review browsing history, and monitor social media interactions.
- Stay Informed:
Keep yourself informed about the latest online trends, apps, and platforms.
- Encourage Responsible Online Behavior:
Educate children about the impact of their online actions and the importance of respecting others online.
- Be Vigilant:
Stay interested and involved in your child’s online activities. Be aware of potential signs of online danger, such as increased anxiety, withdrawal, or changes in behavior.
- Seek Help:
If you are concerned about your child’s online safety, seek help from a trusted professional, such as a therapist or counselor.
Questions for Parents:
What steps are you currently taking to protect your child from the harmful effects of the internet on their development?
What boundaries do you have with technology and the internet?
What barriers exist to protecting your children from the dangers of the internet?
What to do WHEN something happens!
If a child runs into something unsafe online, make sure to block the harmful account or content as soon as possible. Online dangers may come in many forms such as pornography, cyberbullying, inappropriate content, and contact with predators to name a few. If exposure occurs, stay calm and refrain from blaming the child while listening to their experiences. Once the child seems open and more at ease, explain the risks without judgment. Normalize their confusion, curiosity and overwhelm.
If a child or adolescent demonstrates these symptoms, even if exposure hasn’t been confirmed, you should seek professional help as a resource to support their mental health:
- Self-harm
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Social isolation
- Declining/failing grades
- Poor relationships
- Addiction
Moving forward after exposure to something dangerous, continue to continue monitoring their online activities, keep a regular open dialogue, continue parental boundaries, and offer prevention education through various online resources, including Our Rescue’s, the FBI’s, FCC’s, UNICEF’s, other local governments’, and more.
References/Citations:
Erikson, E. H. (1980). Identity and the life cycle. W W Norton & Co.
Piaget, J. (1971). The theory of stages in cognitive development. In D. R. Green, M. P. Ford, & G. B. Flamer (Eds.), Measurement and Piaget (pp. 1-11). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.